This Dang (Or Something) Blog

Running like a chicken sans head

2009-07-30T17:53:23Z

Haha! Busy. I'm usually on 3 projects or so at work and now I've somehow on SEVEN. So, I'm currently officially insane, instead of the usual unofficial status. Buggers.

H. is beating my international standard into shape and it's HARD or was. It appears I'm improving, which will be news to my dance groupies or gropies or whatever. I've yet to tell H. about the 'this-would-all-be-easier-if-we-just-had-sex' line used on me recently (see post below).

I get too many compliments from various people on dance. Just recently, the hottest girl in the world (my God! if you could see her) told me 'your lead is so light, yet I always seem to be where I'm supposed to be'.

(No, I cannot date this woman due to the age/2 + 7 formula of non-creepiness. And if I seduced her, I'd constantly hear Billy Kristol in City Slickers: "..have you noticed the older you get the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you'll be dating sperm.")

Then I get beaten up by H. for non-exact footwork and rise-and-fall in quickstep, for instance. I go from the grot of despair to the grove of delight periodically and with depressing regularity. Either burned in effigy or lauded with roses. :p

However, this last time, H. said she wants to make me her preferred dance partner, whatever that is. So much shit flinging about, it's time to head for the bunker.

Yarha, The Shit Flies High in the Summer Sky

RIP: Walter Cronkite

2009-07-18T10:08:07Z

Walter Cronkite died yesterday and I has a sad.

Yarha, And That's the Way It Was

Albert and the Lion

2009-07-10T20:39:28Z

Behold, I present a wickedly hum'rous poem by Marriott Edgar after the cut. It's not ...exactly...for the squeamish, but it *is* funny, so whatever.

Albert and the Lion

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much of the Ocean:
The waves, they were fiddlin' and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars -
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild -
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear.

You could see that the Lion didn't like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im,
And swallowed the little lad 'ole.

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said 'Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert',
And Mother said 'Well, I am vexed!'

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom -
Quite rightly, when all's said and done -
Complained to the Animal Keeper,
That the Lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it;
He said 'What a nasty mishap.
Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten?'
Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!'

The manager had to be sent for.
He came and he said 'What's to do?'
Pa said 'Yon Lion's 'et Albert,
'And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too.'

Then Mother said, 'Right's right, young feller;
I think it's a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert,
And after we've paid to come in.'

The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying 'How much to settle the matter?'
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?'

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said 'No! someone's got to be summonsed' -
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the P'lice Station,
In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told 'im what happened to Albert,
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing,
'And thank you, sir, kindly,' said she.
'What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!'

You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom,
In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
Gave a lion a poke in the ear?

The name of the lion was Wallace,
The poke in the ear made 'im wild;
And before you could say 'Bob's your Uncle, '
'E'd up and 'e'd swallowed the child.

'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it;
With children 'e'd always been chums,
And besides, 'e'd no teeth in his noddle,
And 'e couldn't chew Albert on t'gums.

'E could feel the lad movin' inside 'im,
As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday-
'E wished 'im such 'appy returns.

But Albert kept kicking and fighting,
Till Wallace arose, feeling bad.
And felt it were time that 'e started
To stage a comeback for the lad.

So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,
On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,
'Till Albert shot out like a cork.

Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,
And 'is figure once more became lean,
But the only difference with Albert
Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.

Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
'Ad gone home to tea, feelin' blue;
Ma says 'I feel down in the mouth like.'
Pa says, 'Aye, I bet Albert does, too.'

Said Ma 'It just goes for to show yer
That the future is never revealed;
If I'd thought we was goin' to lose 'im
I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled

'Let's look on the bright side, ' said Father;
'What can't be 'elped must be endured;
Every cloud 'as a silvery lining,
And we did 'ave young Albert insured.'

A knock on the door came that moment,
As Father these kind words did speak.
'Twas the man from t'Prudential - 'e'd called for
Their tuppence per person per week.

When Father saw 'oo 'ad been knockin',
'E laughed, and 'e kept laughin' so
That the young man said ''What's there to laugh at? '
Pa said 'You'll laugh an' all when you know.'

'Excuse 'im for laughing, ' said Mother,
'But really, things 'appen so strange -
Our Albert's been ate by a lion;
You've got to pay us for a change.'

Said the young feller from the Prudential,
'Now, come, come, let's understand this-
You don't mean to say that you've lost 'im? '
Ma says 'Oh, no! we know where 'e is.'

When the young man 'ad 'eard all the details,
A purse from 'is pocket he drew,
And 'e paid them, with int'rest and bonus,
The sum of nine pounds, four and two.

Pa 'ad scarce got 'is 'and on the money
When a face at the window they see,
And Mother says 'Eeh! look, it's Albert.'
And Father says 'Aye, it would be.'

Young Albert came in all excited,
And started 'is story to give,
And Pa says 'I'll never trust lions
Again, not as long as I live.'

The young man from the Prudential
To pick up the money began,
And Father says 'Eeh! just a moment,
Don't be in a 'urry, young man.'

Then giving young Albert a shilling,
He said 'Pop off back to the Zoo.
''Ere's yer stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle-
Go and see wot the Tigers can do! '

Yarha, How Do the Zoo Do Do-Do?

Tis a Far, Far Butter Thing I Did...

2009-07-01T15:17:18Z

So, social dance last Friday. I was doing my thing, asking various people to dance. I asked this tall, good looking woman. Must've been age 34 or so. She was well-built and wearing some sort of party dress.

"This is a hustle. Have you ever hustled before?" I asked, which is my usual line for people I don't know. She shook her head.

I started to explain how to do it. She was just...not..getting it. Then I realized she, somehow, some way, was drunk. This is a feat in itself, because the studio issues two whole drink tickets with admission. They're good for a love-in-a-canoe beer ('fucking close to water') or a not very full glass of wine.

"Let's just do freestyle," I said to her. She was rather good at freestyle. At the end, she grabbed me in a tight embrace.

"If you're gay, can you be my new best friend?" she asked. Many of the male instructors are.

"Uh..what are you talking about, I'm heterosexual," I said.

"It would be so much easier if we just had sex," she said.

There I was, frozen on the dance floor by a woman clutching tightly at me. Thankfully, her girlfriend came over.

"Can I..talk to you for a minute," she said to the woman.

"Yes!" I said, "Go talk to your friend." I pushed her gently towards her friend, all smiles with relief. Rule number yadda-yadda in my life is 'thou shalt not mess with drunk women'.

But it was hard, hard...

Yarha, Who'll Forever Remember These Words Concerning Dance: It Would Be So Much Easier If We Just Have Sex

PS: I danced with her girlfriend, a rather zaftig woman, later. "But I'll screw you up," she said. "You look so lovely on the dance floor." I reassured her. She didn't mention the earlier event at all.

Flight from Hell: Our Nation's Capital

2009-06-16T16:18:58Z

There I was, minding my own business, which was to get out of Washington D.C. (though not 'under a virtual cloud' this time). And voila! Real clouds show up. The heavens let loose with the original deluge as I sat at the gate, delaying my flight. Then, the real fun started as I boarded the aircraft.

It sat at the gate for around three hours.

It pulled away from the gate and sat at the bottom of the ramp for another two hours.

The captain realized that the flight rerouting system had melted down due to all the flights trying to get around the bad weather and scrubbed the flight.

It came back to the gate.

Luckily, I managed to get on an ad-hoc flight (no seating assignments in coach). We arrived at Atlanta at 3 A.M. in the morning.

Then I left at 11 A.M. that day for another business meeting in Colorado Springs. It was my wish that they had time to grease the reamer between trips.

Gotta fly out Wednesday evening, again. Buggers.

Yarha, Fear and Loathing in Any Old Damned Place

Helpful Hint for Today

2009-05-27T17:14:31Z

I was sick with the head cold from hell all Memorial Day weekend from Thursday on. The helpful hint mentioned in the post title is: "don't read a book on Stalin's reign of terror over the USSR while you're at Death's Door." Not a picker-upper, as 'twere. :p

NB: one can summarize the book by "everybody dies in the end". Mostly dead, anyway, and sent either to the Hell of the Left Wing Deviationists or the Hell of the Right Wing Deviationists or the Heart of Darkness, as per the Samurai Cat. Also as per the Samurai Cat, World War II was basically a contest between Hitler and Stalin to see who could kill the most Russians. Rather unfair, as Stalin had such a good head start.

Stalin's crimes are less and less acknowledged, these days, unlike Hitler's. Russia never had to come clean about them.

Random fact: it's so-toe-my-YORE.

Take that, Little Billy Gates!

2009-05-15T14:11:50Z

Upgraded to IE 8 at work, which promptly made me switch to Firefox. Where, oh where did Microsoft go wrong? Subsequent versions of software are supposed to be better.

Yarha, Stale, Flat and Unmentionable

Religion: Meh

2009-05-06T13:37:12Z

Oh, look, the Mormons have apparently baptised Obama's mother posthumously. See here. Also see Wikipedia here for Baptism of the Dead doctrine.

Baptism of the dead irks me. A lot.

Yarha, Imminently Irkable

A New Variant on RPS

2009-05-01T16:22:40Z

Yarha, Next: Rock-Paper-Scissors the MMORPG

BwahahahAHAHHAHAA

2009-04-20T13:44:16Z

Yarha, Pinata Medical Plans Take a Beating

When Good Geeks Go Wrong

2009-04-17T15:20:09Z

From here.

Yarha, Bah, Script-Kitties

For the Weekend

2009-04-10T20:58:56Z

First, I shall ritually consume one box of fresh Peeps as a sacrifice to fertility and my limited desire for sugar-coated marshmallows.

Second, I shall reaffirm the affirmation (affirmatively) to wit: Penn Jilette - There is No God.

"Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future."

And, as per Discordian philosophy, I shall go consume a hotdog (without bun) joyously on a Friday as a contrarian statement against all food prohibitions. Even if: blech, hotdogs.

Yarha, All the Peeps in One Basket

Internationally Dangerous

2009-04-06T13:54:28Z

I'm on the edge of getting an International Standard practice partner, because it's impossible to do Standard at social dances. Everybody does American style. SO! I asked a (rather young) extremely new-ish teacher who's just learning Standard at a dance Saturday and she seemed agreeable. Called her Sunday and got her answering service 'Leave a message. If you don't leave a message, I probably won't get back to you' it said.

So strange. I thought only singles *my* age were weird.

Yarha, Tapping New Depths of Weirdness

So, then There's Salsa

2009-04-02T14:35:12Z

I'm taking lessons with a much younger Russian woman (hubba), D., in (semi) advanced salsa. I've had about 4 sessions so far. I still remember setting it up at a dance.

"I don't want a long-term relationship," I said to her, "more of a one-night stand." And yet, here I am still taking them.

It's hard to go back to knowing relatively nothing about a dance. Hard to go back to thinking about posture, direction, and body position, when the stuff I know now is so easy and natural. Am fighting "GOD, I SUCK!" tantrums. Deep breaths.

D. is a bit choreography dependent, since she starts some patterns without me leading them. Hate that! She also skimps on communicating the men's footwork. She seems to find salsa somewhat contemptible: "It's a *street* dance." My goal, however, is not to learn to dance salsa with D., but to be able to lead it with anyone, as I do with the rest of my dancing.

That's hard to do in salsa due to the speed of things, but I have the solace that I achieved that level in Hustle which is at least as fast. It took a number of years. :p

Yarha, Passing the Salsa

Let them Eat Funny-Looking Cake

2009-03-29T23:21:27Z

A..uh..humorous cake blog?

Cake Wreks: When Professional Cakes Go Wrong Only for the gourmet.

Dance check

2009-03-27T18:17:27Z

This is what I'm doing in dance and why I'm damned busy.

Currently working on:

Style: International Standard

Waltz (bronze) - Choreography completed - technique at 60%
Tango (bronze) - Choreography completed - technique at 80%
Foxtrot (bronze) - Choreography completed - technique at 20%
Quickstep (bronze) - Working on Choreography
Viennese Waltz (bronze) - There's not much choreography to IS VW. Haven't started technique.

Note: Yes, yes, I know I've done bronze Standard before, but that was long ago and I'm working with a new instructor (a woman) and she's meticulous to a fault.

Style: American Smooth

Waltz (silver) - Imperial Society of Teachers of Dance (ISTD - like the disease) syllabus 80%
Foxtrot (silver) - ISTD (similar to waltz) 80%
Peabody (silver) - Eyeing askance

Style: American Rhythm

Rumba (silver) - Review DVIDA (Dance Vision yadda-yadda, I forget the acronym) syllabus 100% DONE!
Rumba (silver) - ISTD syllabus 90% DONE! Except for stuff I don't like

Style: Street

Salsa (intermediate?) - Dancing ability fleshed out a lot and fairly comfortable - lead needs work
Bachata (frickin' n00b level, man) - Just starting

Style: Country and Western

Two-step - Still tempting an instructor to teach me (the woman's a national champion, so it's a hard sell, though she loves to dance bolero or American Smooth with me, apparently).

AWARD AWARD AWARD
Have been informed by a collection of woman instructors that I have the best lead evah (among instructors or students or whatever), so BIG WIN! Yay!

I dance the dance of self-contratulations.

Yarha, It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got that Spring

Perspective, cont'd

2009-03-20T14:00:32Z

That's not to say that I didn't have a ceremonial drunk over the death of Kurt Vonnegut. But he had, you know, stature.

Perspective

2009-03-19T17:35:42Z

When I read that Natasha Richardson had died, my reaction was "Who?" I rarely go to the movies (these days) and never watch TV. I had to look her up on Wikipedia. After that, I still didn't know who she was, as I've never seen anything she was in.

So, my reaction is still basically, "OK, somebody died", because, you know, quite a number of people die every day without the nation noticing or people going into agonies of melancholy over it.

The upshot of my reaction, however, was to defriend cleolinda because I realized we didn't live on the same planet.

Bus Stop

2009-02-05T15:36:08Z

"The bad news is that God doesn't exist. The good news is that you don't need him."

-Bus Ad Campaign from the Italian Union of Rationalist Atheists and Agnostics

Obama '08

2008-11-03T14:58:38Z

The vote will come out Obama!
Obama!
You can bet your bottom dollar that Obama!
Will beat WALNUTS!

-With vague apologies to "Annie"

Anybody who can shoot hoops on a basket on the East Coast from a court on the West Coast (Intercoastal Ballistic Basketball or ICBB) deserves to be president.

Yarha, Already Voted Last Wednesday

PS: Also, I look forward to seeing my southern relatives' heads explode. BAGOOM!

Quarterly Update

2008-10-15T19:47:05Z

Time for the Quarterly Update.

Went to London on vacation in September. The finances of the world suggest that I shall never go anyplace ever again. I suppose it's ok.

Still dancing. Teaching a bit to 'demo' students.

I've 'sucked in' a lot and am doing less of everything else besides work and dance, these days. Dance lessons have been cut waaay back.

I have to go to the DC area twice this month, which is a complete goat rodeo since it's so close to the election. I might have to stay on a park bench.

Nothing new otherwise.

Yarha, Same Ol' Same Ol'

Mirabile Dictu

2008-07-18T14:40:50Z

Yes, I'm still among the living.

Busy, as I've made cautious steps into the role of dance instructor. Among the numerous incidents that pushed me over the edge, as 'twere, was a comment by a highly-talented coach who I train with from time to time:

"XXXX," I asked. "How much rise-and-fall in waltz comes from the foot and how much comes from the knee?"

"100% comes from the foot and 30% comes from the knee," she replied.

Now, I may not be in the top 10 dance competitors in the world, but I know that there should only be 100 percents in anything, so I figure I have hidden talents (math) for instruction. Yes, I can math worth shit.

Anyway, there you go. I have a 'demo' student (student who doesn't pay me) as a test. More like two students, really. One of these days I'm going to start charging. Just you wait and see.

Yarha, Logical Sillygism

PS: Broke up with K. as partner, as it's just too hard to take lessons with her during the week day. We remain friends and she still stalks me to see where I'm dancing on weekends. Apparently I have talent or whatever. :p

Romance continues to elude me, but that's nothing new. c'est la vie

I'm Alive

2008-03-21T22:44:21Z

Though I'm rather bummed, as it seems my glaucoma is drug-resistant (or I'm drug-resistant) and my doc is sending me in for a second opinion for REAL surgery (like, with a knife, not a laser).

My eye pressure is too high, apparently, and while I've had no vision loss, he's concerned for the long term. I freaked out for a little bit, but K. hauled me to a meeting of the weird Japanese people and they cured me with meditation. :p Or something. (She actually didn't know I was freaking out, 'cause these days I freak out *very* quietly. One learns.)

Yes, K. is still my amateur partner, but I think I've kicked the habit and am circling other fish in the sea.

This will prevent me from anything 'stressful' physically from 1 to 6 weeks recovery, so I dunno if I can do the upcoming competition. My heart will not be broken, as I'm scheduled for international standard and am biting my nails if I'll be ready, anyway.

Also, my good friend of burrito Fridays is now my overall boss, having been promoted to On High and Master Under God. I'm coming to terms with it. Our lunches have been rare, but today we stole off for one.

Poor bastard.

Yarha, There are None So Blonde as Those Who Will Not Pee

yarha @ 2008-02-21T10:46:00

2008-02-21T15:47:08Z

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

Yarha, *Hfsnort* Dogma

Dancing with the Oldies

2008-02-14T14:58:02Z

So, I'm dancing with women in retirement homes these days for extra cash to fund dance lessons. I've done a Christmas, New Year's, and, today, a Valentine's Day party. It's ok. One must be delicate and essentially let them lead you.

It's my goal to make my dance hobby self-supporting.

I sent K. 3 doz. pink roses, which is absolutely insane. I did it anyway. They were so beautiful, and if there's one thing I know about myself it's that I love giving beautiful things.

Yarha, Back but Rarely